pi-em-sing

hai... feeling very down n it's not cos i wanna. i can't help it.my stomach aches, my back aches. everywhere aches... i just failed my first major task cosi'm not capable enough. that sounds so sad. what about i tried attempting the impossible without knowing my own limitations.ya.. bu zi liang li.
i'm typing on notepad to pretend to be hardworking. there's nth to do again for now.tml, there will be sth to do again. i feel like going to home to sleep. i wanna rest. i dun wanna eat (maybe just yet, super full),i feel crappy. bahh. if slacking is illegal, shoot me.
darn. i hate these 'emo' times. ewww. gross me out. can u imagine. i laugh at those super emo pple, n now i'm kinda no different from them.actually, come to think about it, i have always been kinda emo. no? like a drama queen? not like joanne or dorea though. i'm like not in their league when it comes to drama-mamas.
i think this is a good cover up for blogging. haha. no one seems to know what i'm doing. muahahaha. it's really more like self talk. but it makes me feel alot better.
maybe why i've been blogging more is
1)free time2)the need to talk to someone bout everything and anything. (where's quek? where's chew? where's peng? sadness overwhelms me)
i was kinda looking forward to having dinner with cheryl and sam today, but cheryl couldn't make it, n somewhere down the day, i just didn't feel like it either.
one thing's for sure, i don't really think i would like a desk-bound job in the future.the world is your stage! why would you want to coop yourself up like a hermit? i wanna see more of the world, learn more about everything and anything around me, meet more pple and befriend them, experience more adventures that would help me grow. i have only lived 16 years, i have so much more to come across. so long more to live if God permits.
although i still don't know what i want to do. i shall explore it slowly. =) 'i cast all my cares upon You' please help me make the right choices in my life.
i fear much, but the strength of my courage is more than that of my fear. so i'll try my best in whatever i do.
AJA AJA!!!! GANBATTE!!!!
now i feel better. =) typing everything out does help. my stomach n my back still hurts, but i feel numb to it. btw, i had to shift place today.. from my usual small round table desk to sharing desk with andrew. well, at least he's really nice. now i sit between him n roy.
as i peek out of the window and look at the beautiful ocean and the beach, i feel so happy. i wanna be there. lying on the sad, letting waves brush past me. listening to children laugh and giggle. feel the sand squished between my toes.
almost exposeD!!!
why do pple find it weird tht pple talk to themselves?isn't it quite normal? it helps easy stress! so tht's good. =)
what should i do now? continue talking about nothing?
i don't want to grow up so fast, yet i think "wouldn't it be nice if i was older"
i miss my friends, i miss my peng. i kinda miss school. recess, hw, slacking in class.i miss 4c, i miss tk, i miss choir, i miss consort, i miss my aunties n unclesi miss being a secondary 4 student, i miss my teachers, i miss dancingi miss having nth to do at home but to watch tv, i miss my bed, i miss my couchi miss the tv remote control, i miss watching disney channel, i miss watching HBO, i miss watching AXNi miss watching korean dramas until late at night, i miss lying next to my mommy n she making a cup of warm milk before we go sleep,i miss watching my girl with peng until crazy times, i miss crushing on junki while my sis crushed on gong chan,i miss watching bleach episode after epsiode till i finished all the way to 100, i miss so many things in my life.i miss being noisy, i miss screaming and laughing out loud, i miss bear hugs.i miss i miss i miss. i miss miss roo.