It's hard bottling everything up

ok. this is so contrasting to the festive season mood, and sorry i'm being a spoiler if u read this.

this is a warning. if u do not want to read upsetting thoughts, please stay away. stop reading. now. now now... I MEAN IT. NOW. this is your final warning. stop reading!!!

i don't know what's gotten into me. maybe cos i'm ovulating. i feel so a whole palette of emotions crashing down on me. it's as if i have split personality. my mood swings by faster than u can say boomerang.

hmm. i'm bothered by love stuff. odd right? i've not really been bothered by those sort of feelings for a long time. but recently, it seems the lock that bolted the doors of my heart have been broken. in otherwords, my heart has been broken into. i can't tell if it's for worse or for the better. but i know that now, it just makes me feel queasy and uneasy. plainly because i don't dare to accept this sort of feelings again.

i don't wanna get hurt again.

do u get it.

u don't.

none of u do.

dumbos.

i feel so dumb. i just dunno why i can't let go. i keep holding on to that little piece left. it's already gone. but i keep the broken charded glass pieces. i've been telling everyone, deceiving even myself that i've moved on, thrown the remaining bits out. but i've been living a lie. such a huge lie that it take more than throwing out the pieces of glass to clear the mess. you see. a piece got into my eye. i know u don't understand what i'm talking about. but it's better that way. let['s keep it that way too.

i like talking in riddles. and that my blog's kinda deserted so the less people know the better.

this is embarrassing. i'm pouring out my feelings onto a virtual diary. it's so contradictary it's satisfying.

i really wanna move on you know. i have to clear this up myself.

i'm scared to accept something new. anyway, i'm not even certain of it.

either way, i'm afraid. and i'm cowardly. i don't dare.

it's hard. i wanna grow stronger. i know i am. because i don't cry as easily. although i might cry inside, i don't cry physically.

u dun even know half of it. how long i've been hanging on the edge of the clift like this.

i am fearful.. i don't really know how i feel.

i don't know anything.

i'll leave it here

but for now, i feel like i'm still stuck in a cold dark room, but i see a glimpse of light.

yet i don't dare approach it,

because i don't want to be blinded by it.